BREAKING NEWS… Grandfather’s Baby Boomer Website Hacked By Teenage Granddaughter.
A teenager in the lower part of this great city we live in, in one of the local suburbs, has hacked her grandfather’s Baby Boomer website. While online, the alleged perpetrator cruised through several of the posts, reading, laughing, and commenting humorously, leaving comments randomly and making rude comments about the readers, and pretty much creating havoc that rippled across the World Wide Web.
London and Paris both have initiated a WWW warning to internet users to be aware of teenagers in the immediate area of personal computers, as this behavior could become epidemic. Some advertisers on the website experienced rave reviews, such as new clothing from Naked Zebra.com, and coffee makers on Amazon.com.
The teenager was finally located and interviewed after being convinced that it was safe to remove the headphones, which admittedly took at least 54 minutes of yelling at the top of the voice by the reporter to, and I quote, “REMOVE THE HEADPHONES, PLEASE.”
Here are excerpts from comments made by the teenager during the interview. “Huh, what do you want?” “Got any Skittles?”, and, “My favorite part of my grandfather’s website, is that it includes some really cool stuff to wear, some cool stuff from Amazon that my mom won’t buy me, and well, some really cool stuff, that…. I dunno, I dunno.”, while bobbing her head from right to left several times.
The teenager did, in fact, send post notifications to the grandfather’s Facebook, Twitter, Linkedin, and Google+ accounts simply by clicking on the social media icons on the individual posts. An ongoing investigation into those alleged actions is in progress at this writing. Possible repercussions from these actions include temporarily removing the teenager’s rights to the television remote, placing a padlock on the refrigerator, and the ultimate punishment for a teenager, taking away the Reese’s Mini Peanut Butter Cups.
This is the first violation for the teenager in two weeks, so leniency will be considered. However, restitution to Amazon, Naked Zebra and Wealthy Affiliate will be considered for ordering a nice pants and blouse combo from Naked Zebra, two Halloween costumes and a bag of Kit Kats from Amazon, and a one-year subscription for the Wealthy Affiliate Premium service. These will need to be addressed and negotiated as to who now owns the merchandise, especially the bag of Kit Kats.
Most of the time when teenagers are witnessed performing these types of behaviors, it signifies that the teenager has been neglected in either the personal or school life, or both, resulting in denial of driving privileges, compulsory completion of homework, and permanent removal of the childhood My Little Pony nightlight from the bedroom. This causes feelings of isolation, frustration with parental units and intolerance of younger siblings in the household, and fear of the dark. Or it could be normal every day, ordinary teenager actions.
In the teen aged world this type of behavior is typical, studies have revealed that teenagers are difficult to train, and are prone to eating large amounts of food at a single sitting, as well as refusing to do every day tasks such as emptying the trash, walking the dog, and loading the dishwasher.
Teenagers have also been observed ignoring parental instructions to blow their nose, clean their room and do their homework on a daily basis, only to leave pizza crusts strewn around their rooms with no thought of what is growing on those crusts, or a designated EPA plan for disposal. Teenagers are also prone to irritate parental units for no apparent reason other than the fact of birthright, and failure to regularly change their socks.
Teenagers in the immediate future in general are expected to change and improve behaviors, due to an increase in available nutrition, such as 20 piece chicken nuggets and french fries, better sleep patterns compared to previous years, and more oxygen. Teenagers have also been observed exhibiting improved or exemplary behavior when parental units pay attention to the teenagers’ supposed random ramblings on such topics as the attitude of teachers, frustration with homework instructions, and attitudes exhibited by other teenagers toward the teenagers’ clothing and automobile selections.
Teenagers in general have been overheard mumbling under their breath, to “just leave me alone,” but that seems to have no effect on a teenager’s well-being, positive or not, leading scientists to believe it’s an inherent knee-jerk reaction to the situation teenagers have found themselves in.
In general, studies have indicated this type of situation can be prevented or at least mitigated by the education of adults, in light of the fact that adults, at this time, do not realize the difficulty of being a teenager and have never experienced this faze (err…phase) of life. Adult education could include simulation classes where adults would pretend to be teenagers, be forced to wear teen aged clothing, be denied food and hair grooming supplies, and have free time limited to after school until 1AM. Also adults could be required to play video games from 8:30 PM to 1AM, and then arise at 7AM to attend more daily teen aged rituals of attending school, eating fried foods and drinking sugary caffeinated drinks.
The victim was not immediately available for interview, but after a brief search was located in the garage weeping inconsolably. When asked why this had affected him in this manner, he replied, “What the [expletive} are you talking about, I just smacked my sore thumb with the hammer.” When asked if charges would be filed, he exclaimed, “What, are you an idiot, it’s a WEBSITE, put your big girl panties on and get out of my face.” To which we followed his lead, and left the immediate area. An investigation is now underway to determine if this was an attempted cover-up, or even worse, extortion on the part of the teenager. Film at eleven.
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Steve